It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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