you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
