All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
