true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
