I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
