the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
