Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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