eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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