PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
