I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
