he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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