shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
