If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
