The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
