gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
