New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
