i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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