so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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