I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
worst night to have a conscience
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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