I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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