he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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