Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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