happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
