You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
