it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
