I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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