I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
