is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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