My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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