FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
