I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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