Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
