She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize