yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
