You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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