Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
