If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
