Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
did you just send me my own nude
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
