this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
