I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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