There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
