the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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