So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
