Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
