im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize