my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
