i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
