we're blogging at a bar
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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