so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
