Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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