There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
