JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
