i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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