u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
