don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
