yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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