I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
