How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize