He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
