I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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