the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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