We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
