You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
