We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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