she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
