my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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