Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
