yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
