Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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