he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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