If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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