oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
