My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
