but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize