Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
