Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
