do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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