my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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