I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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