God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish there were birth control emojis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
