Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
