I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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