I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
