you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
