The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
