I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
