i need an iv and a liver transplant
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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