you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
