All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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