god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
