Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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