The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
