try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize