Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
