Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
