you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
