just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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