I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
