i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
