As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize