He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize