dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
