a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
