is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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