shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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