whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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