jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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