I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
