I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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