He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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