That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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